Ambivalence

For weeks I have been experiencing this nagging feeling. The feeling of going back. The feeling of wanting to eat my own words just so that I can return to that comfort zone that I deliberately and willingly left to preserve my patience and life itself.

Though I became better nonetheless, I cannot deny the fact that of course, I do miss the past. The only thing that's keeping me is my word. My word of not going back. A promise that I intend to keep.

Now, even though I have determined the pros and cons before I left, I am now doing so again... This was not foreseen. I have evaded countless headaches by doing so but now, it seems I subconsciously want to get beaten socially black and blue by fickle-minded people.

To hell with this.

I'm considering making this a business. LOL.

Sacho

6months after...

Oh how time flies.

When All Things Get Woozy

Last December 21 was our hospital's Christmas Party. As usual, ako na naman ang MC. Antagal mag-start. Yun na ata ang pinakamatagal matapos din na program na hinostan ko. Oh well.

One minute I was a host, the next, I was singing.

And the next moment, I was having fun, may tama na:

Tapos wala na akong maalala from this point onwards. Eto palang isa naming kasama, kasali rin sa paglasing sakin. Sinamantala nila ang aking kahinaan!

And then, for all I know, nakatulog na pala ako:

Then I woke up in the hospital at around 12nn. Hahaha! Kung paano ako nakarating, ewan ko na.

Wala talaga akong maalala. Kung anong tunay na mga nangyari, secret na lang. Funny thing is, iba-iba ang version ng mga kasama ko tungkol dun. Di lang ata ako ang lasing. Hahaha.

Inspired

The writer in me stirs once more.

I have decided to resurrect this long-gone aspect of myself. For too long have I neglected my ability to write something good. For too long did I allow myself to be engrossed by the mixed emotions and thoughts of the society that mine was tainted by the growing desire to be liked and commended.

Change starts now.

"Wall ko to, nakikibasa ka lang."

Not everyone in Facebook and even in my family knows that I once had a Tumblr account. That blogging site is very practical and convenient, in fact, I have learned to love its interface and it itself made an impact on my everyday blogging life.

Despite the convenience and other things good in it, I have been socially offended by the people in it. Even though I have the gift of occasional foresight, I never thought that I would be swimming in a lake called Popularity Contest. I never wanted to be popular. I just wanted to express my thoughts. The longer I stayed there, the more I've seen how, just because of insecurity and unnecessary hatred towards each other, the people there, despite their established friendships, have began to stab each other at the back. And of course, along with other personal, social, and health-related reasons, I left.

"Blog to express, not to impress."

True.

I believed in this from the day I read this and I will forever believe so. Another reason why I left is that, I, a human of deviated thought processes, have started to think that I need to blog to impress. It cannot be and must be terminated immediately. And so I did.

"Libreng mag-unfollow."

Of course, some people will not always agree to what I write. They will either send me anonymous messages or such but, there's this thing called MINE. As in, MY BLOG. If they don't like what they are seeing then they should close their eyes or look away or for crying out loud, UNFOLLOW me. I never told them, "Huy, basahin mo naman yung blog ko," anyway. Was it my fault that they read it? Was it my decision for them to read? This is a rhetorical question of course. Heck, even newspaper publishers don't tell you to read each and every letter they print in each and every article their writers and advertisers publish!

"Wall ko to, nakikibasa ka lang."

This is in Facebook. The overrated Facebook Wall.

Lately, there's this "friend" who posted a "blind item" in Facebook that was implicitly referring to me. In general, he/she said that he/she is irritated by my posts. Well, I'll give him/her that. It's his/her right to post in his/her Wall whatever he/she prefers.

Though I find it contradicting that a year ago, he/she agreed to the fact that people are just reading on his/her Wall and that he/she doesn't give a damn to whatever it is that they react about.

Look who's clean.

Graveyard

Being a nurse tires me not only physically but also mentally and psychologically. Patients and relatives are stressing and my colleagues are not even helping.

Especially during the Graveyard shift. As an ER Nurse, we are always the frontliners. So every time a patient comes in and other departments are concerned, I have to wake them up. The irritating part is, most of them gets angry at me for waking them up. Excuse me. As if I encouraged patients to go to the hospital at wee hours.

What irritates me the most is when my partner is as lazy as Garfield. Really... I remember that time when I was handling 5 patients, he none, and he was getting angry trying to find the plug for the computer speaker for crying out loud!

And last night, he arrived late so I was the one who received two patients. Instead of helping me, he began to pick up pieces of paper that are of no importance. After I finished with the patients, he slept. Weeeeeeeeeee...