Ambivalence

For weeks I have been experiencing this nagging feeling. The feeling of going back. The feeling of wanting to eat my own words just so that I can return to that comfort zone that I deliberately and willingly left to preserve my patience and life itself.

Though I became better nonetheless, I cannot deny the fact that of course, I do miss the past. The only thing that's keeping me is my word. My word of not going back. A promise that I intend to keep.

Now, even though I have determined the pros and cons before I left, I am now doing so again... This was not foreseen. I have evaded countless headaches by doing so but now, it seems I subconsciously want to get beaten socially black and blue by fickle-minded people.

To hell with this.

I'm considering making this a business. LOL.

Sacho

6months after...

Oh how time flies.

When All Things Get Woozy

Last December 21 was our hospital's Christmas Party. As usual, ako na naman ang MC. Antagal mag-start. Yun na ata ang pinakamatagal matapos din na program na hinostan ko. Oh well.

One minute I was a host, the next, I was singing.

And the next moment, I was having fun, may tama na:

Tapos wala na akong maalala from this point onwards. Eto palang isa naming kasama, kasali rin sa paglasing sakin. Sinamantala nila ang aking kahinaan!

And then, for all I know, nakatulog na pala ako:

Then I woke up in the hospital at around 12nn. Hahaha! Kung paano ako nakarating, ewan ko na.

Wala talaga akong maalala. Kung anong tunay na mga nangyari, secret na lang. Funny thing is, iba-iba ang version ng mga kasama ko tungkol dun. Di lang ata ako ang lasing. Hahaha.

Inspired

The writer in me stirs once more.

I have decided to resurrect this long-gone aspect of myself. For too long have I neglected my ability to write something good. For too long did I allow myself to be engrossed by the mixed emotions and thoughts of the society that mine was tainted by the growing desire to be liked and commended.

Change starts now.

"Wall ko to, nakikibasa ka lang."

Not everyone in Facebook and even in my family knows that I once had a Tumblr account. That blogging site is very practical and convenient, in fact, I have learned to love its interface and it itself made an impact on my everyday blogging life.

Despite the convenience and other things good in it, I have been socially offended by the people in it. Even though I have the gift of occasional foresight, I never thought that I would be swimming in a lake called Popularity Contest. I never wanted to be popular. I just wanted to express my thoughts. The longer I stayed there, the more I've seen how, just because of insecurity and unnecessary hatred towards each other, the people there, despite their established friendships, have began to stab each other at the back. And of course, along with other personal, social, and health-related reasons, I left.

"Blog to express, not to impress."

True.

I believed in this from the day I read this and I will forever believe so. Another reason why I left is that, I, a human of deviated thought processes, have started to think that I need to blog to impress. It cannot be and must be terminated immediately. And so I did.

"Libreng mag-unfollow."

Of course, some people will not always agree to what I write. They will either send me anonymous messages or such but, there's this thing called MINE. As in, MY BLOG. If they don't like what they are seeing then they should close their eyes or look away or for crying out loud, UNFOLLOW me. I never told them, "Huy, basahin mo naman yung blog ko," anyway. Was it my fault that they read it? Was it my decision for them to read? This is a rhetorical question of course. Heck, even newspaper publishers don't tell you to read each and every letter they print in each and every article their writers and advertisers publish!

"Wall ko to, nakikibasa ka lang."

This is in Facebook. The overrated Facebook Wall.

Lately, there's this "friend" who posted a "blind item" in Facebook that was implicitly referring to me. In general, he/she said that he/she is irritated by my posts. Well, I'll give him/her that. It's his/her right to post in his/her Wall whatever he/she prefers.

Though I find it contradicting that a year ago, he/she agreed to the fact that people are just reading on his/her Wall and that he/she doesn't give a damn to whatever it is that they react about.

Look who's clean.

Graveyard

Being a nurse tires me not only physically but also mentally and psychologically. Patients and relatives are stressing and my colleagues are not even helping.

Especially during the Graveyard shift. As an ER Nurse, we are always the frontliners. So every time a patient comes in and other departments are concerned, I have to wake them up. The irritating part is, most of them gets angry at me for waking them up. Excuse me. As if I encouraged patients to go to the hospital at wee hours.

What irritates me the most is when my partner is as lazy as Garfield. Really... I remember that time when I was handling 5 patients, he none, and he was getting angry trying to find the plug for the computer speaker for crying out loud!

And last night, he arrived late so I was the one who received two patients. Instead of helping me, he began to pick up pieces of paper that are of no importance. After I finished with the patients, he slept. Weeeeeeeeeee...

Of Nurses, Hospitals, and Healthcare in the Philippines

As usual, I have done my rounds on some "websites" and "blogs" and I have encountered and read and analyzed more than enough posts for me to write this one.

And yes. At 4:15am, I am writing this entry as I am currently on duty as an Emergency Room Staff Nurse in a Private Tertiary hospital somewhere in Southern Luzon. I am thankful that after 14hours of being on duty here, I am able to take a rest for there are no more patients and I have decided to write this. I have less than 2hours to finish this. My 16-hour straight duty is about to end.

Being in a private hospital, I have experienced being verbally lashed upon by patients and/or their relatives and/or companions for factors that they do not recognize or fail to see. I will post numerous factors here that concern my grievances on everything my job is related to and with. This is not a sob story or anything but only the truth of what we healthcare providers usually deal with almost everyday of our lives.

1. Triage. There is this thing we call Triage. It is a systematic classification of patients according to the severity of their illness. Here in the Emergency Room, we will rush in to the patient who has suffered a heart attack or a cerebral stroke instead of that patient who has insomnia. Every second counts in the hospital whether we're in the Intensive Care Unit or Wards, we have to save lives as quickly and as efficient as we can.

I remember this case that was told to me wherein my colleagues were tending to a patient who was hacked by a machete on his left shoulder. He was profusely bleeding and his blood pressure was declining fast. One of my colleagues told the other patients whose cases were not emergent or critical that they will have to wait because they have to attend the aforementioned patient. One relative loudly shouted, "Wala akong pakialam jan! Basta tingnan nyo yung pasyente ko!" His patient was an adult man who just had a sprain. This is one of the things that we deal while at work and see yourself as a relative of the bleeding patient. What will you do if you heard another shouting like this? Saying that he doesn't care if your relative dies or what.

2. Expenses. Of course. Here in the Philippines, it is widely known, whether you have money or not, poor or rich, that private hospitals tend to drain your wallet and pocket. As frontliners in the hospital, we ER nurses are very strict regarding to what we give to the patients. Why? Because some patients are basically ignorant.

There was this case where a patient came in with a request for laboratory tests from another hospital. She was accompanied by a man when they arrived at around 1am. Everyone in this area knows that this is a private hospital they were in. The Medical Technologist ran the tests. I gave them the Charge Slips and asked them to pay for it before the Laboratory releases the results. The man asked me, "Babalik pa po ba kami dun sa isang ospital para bayaran ito?" I answered, "Hindi po. Dito nyo po yan babayaran. Dito kasi yan ginawa." I wanted to ask him, "Tanga ka ba?" Yet he answered, "Nako, wala kaming dala kahit piso." Really, I did my best to prevent myself from asking that question. Sadly, I did prevent myself.

Another case is of this patient who came in at around 2am and had a consultation. Laboratory tests were done. As far as I know, the patient and his 4 companions assured my colleague that they will pay for the tests. They were given the prescription and a copy of the tests and they said that they were waiting for someone to deliver them the money. They went to the lobby to wait. The sun went up and they were no longer there. Thanks to that patient who got a free consultation and laboratory tests, me and my colleague will be paying it for him. Now, see yourself as us. You treated a patient the best you could. Provided the necessary nursing

3. Emergency. It is a protocol, a natural law, innate to all emergency personnel, to provide emergency services to those in need as quickly as possible. That is what we do here in the Emergency Room. When a patient comes in who has suffered from a heart attack, unconscious, breathless, and pulseless, in other words, DEAD ON ARRIVAL, that's where the CODE BLUE comes in. All additional available staff must attend to said patient. Intubation and cardiac monitoring will be done. While the doctor inserts an endotracheal tube that will be the patient's artificial airway, a nurse will be preparing intravenous fluids that will serve as conduit for fast-acting drugs intended for resuscitation. Whether the patient does not have any immediate family to give consent, or any money to pay for the costs to begin with, it is our duty to save lives. Save life first. Payment, deal with it later.

A few days ago, for 10pm-6am shift, I received a patient who was intubated and unconscious. He was in a coma. I learned that he hanged himself and he arrived in our Emergency Room at 5:08pm, dead. Zero vital signs, no pulse, no heart rate, no blood pressure, none. He was still and his face was already cyanotic (bluish discoloration due to lack of oxygen), indicating that there most likely have been irreversible brain damage. The patient was revived after two doses of Epinephrine. But despite his resuscitation, assessment indicated that the patient is already brain dead. He was having seizures and he was not regaining consciousness. No family member was there to give the go signal to admit the patient. So my colleagues waited until at 8pm, the patient's uncle arrived. He was unable to give a go signal when our doctor explained to him that the patient himself will no longer recover. That he was brain dead. That only his body's basic functioning such as breathing and blood circulation are the ones active. That if he is admitted, they will only wait for his body to give up. So he waited for confirmation from the parents of the patient. Before 10pm, nearing my shift, the parents who were far away, decided to have the patient admitted.

He was attached to an ambubag. That ellipsoidal balloon that you press to administer oxygen to the patient via endotracheal tube. From the time that he was being revived up to the time that I received him and up to the time that he was attached to a mechanical ventilator in the ICU, one of our staff was there, making sure that he doesn't lose oxygen. After completing all the requirements for admission, I transferred the patient to the ICU. Not more than 14 hours later, he expired.

A couple of days after, there was this comment that our staff at the time the patient was brought were relatively unprofessional. That they did not render emergency services when they saw the patient whereas they made sure that the patient's companions or relatives have money to pay. And by the way, that comment also indicated that the suicide attempt was a failure. I decided not to dwell to much on it when I realized that the one who gave it got wrong information. Up to now, I cannot fathom how he was able to say that the suicide attempt was a failure when the patient actually arrived dead. The power of gossip and exaggeration.

4. Workload. If I can divide myself into three, I will do it just so that I can give enough attention and care to those who need it. But then, in our case, a 10-bed capacity Emergency Room with only 2 Nurses on Duty, how will you expect me to attend to you when there are four others like you waiting in line? Would you rather that I look at you one-by-one from time-to-time or just focus on one and deal with the rest one after the other? Can you assist a doctor during a minor surgical procedure while monitoring the blood pressure of a hypertensive patient while trying to pacify the whines of a 4-year old kid who doesn't want to take his/her medication while holding a brown bag for a patient who's hyperventilating? And then all of a sudden, a blood-soaked patient arrives, he was hit by a car. This day can't get any better. See Number1.

5. Salary. It is true that Salary itself is a good motivating factor, or moreover, it is the best motivating factor for an employee to exert effort. On our case, it is not. With a monthly salary of less than 10,000php. (Yes it's true. Damn Globe and Sun for denying my Post-paid line application just because my monthly salary is less than 10,000) You get bullied by some doctors, shouted upon by some patients and/or relatives and/or companions, get tired to the bones and soul for just meager salary, not to mention patients who skip billing and the blame will all go to you, salary deduction, yay! I can hardly believe that I earned a license for this.

6. Protocol. It is not us nurses or hospital firstliners who enact the protocols for a hospital. So please, don't blame us if you don't like the system. There are suggestion boxes and forms around. In our hospital, we ask the patient to pay for the charges INDIVIDUALLY. Meaning, any procedures done or medications given, will be charged by their own department. For example, a patient who tripped and had a sprain will be most likely sent to the Radiology Department for X-Ray. He will most likely be given pain medications as well. Before the X-Ray is done, the patient or his relatives or companions will be given a charge slip so that they can pay for it at the Cashier. Then, we will give them the prescription for them to buy at our Pharmacy the necessary medications to be given. Then if there are Laboratory tests, the Laboratory will give them another charge slip for whatever it is that must be tested. As a patient, I will be terribly irritated by this to the extent that I will wage war to whoever invented this scheme.

Okay. A pregnant patient just came in. Patient first, blog later.

Of Gossips and Exaggerations

Andami kong kakilalang mahilig at magaling sa ganito. Hindi naman sa nagmamataas ako or what, pero inaamin ko na minsan ganito rin ako. Ngunit hindi sa mga kritikal o importanteng bagay. Lingid sa kaalaman ng lahat, ginagamit ko ang utak ko. (Opo. May utak ako.)

Ang problema sa ating mga Pilipino, mahilig tayong mag-exaggerate. Yung tipong muntikan lang mahagip ng isang motorsiklo ang isang pedestrian, maaari nang makarating sa iba na, natumba siya, nahagip, nabangga, at ngayon, kritikal na sa ICU.

Naaalala ko noong nag-volunteer ako sa Red Cross. Noong eleksyon, naatasan akong mapalagay sa isang paaralan para sa First-Aid Station. Dalawa pa lang kami ng kasama ko noon. Payapa naman ang mga tao kahit siksikan at naiinitan. Wala pang isang oras na nandoon kami ay may sumigaw na ng tulong.

Meron daw hinimatay na babae sa 3rd floor ng isang gusali. Agad akong tumakbo dala ang isang malaking spine board. Habang papalapit ako sa hagdanan, may nagsabi na buntis pa raw yung nahimatay. Habang umaakyat pa ako, may nagsabi na parang manganganak na raw. At pagdating ko sa ikalawang palapag, dinudugo na raw. Worst case scenario ang naiisip ko. Baka doon pa manganak at ako pa ang magpa-anak. Malayo. Imposible. Mahirap.

Pagpasok ko sa silid, hanap agad ako ng babaeng dinudugo. Ng babaeng malaki ang tiyan. Ng babaeng in distress. Langya. WALA.

As in kalmado lang ang mga botante sa pagkakaupo nila. At merong isang babae na mukhang nahihilo. Tiningnan ko ang kanyang maong na pantalon at hindi ito basa. Walang senyales na may pumutok na panubigan o may dugong lumabas. At hindi siya buntis. Siya pala ang "hinimatay" na "buntis" na "dinudugo" at "manganganak" na.

Aminado rin ako na minsan ako ay may pagka-exaggerated. Minsan, sinasabi ko na sobrang congested ang traffic sa kalsada kahit meron pang-mas congested dun. Minsan din, sinasabi ko na buong biyahe sa bus, nakatayo ako, kahit hindi naman. O kaya, naligo ako sa ulan kahit naambunan lang naman.

May kanya-kanya tayong exaggerations sa buhay. Tanggap ko yun at dapat tanggap din ng lahat. Pero merong iba na over over to the highest level todo na to kung mag-exaggerate.

Nakakairita kapag alam mo ang tunay na kwento at binahiran ito ng tsismis at eksaherasyon. Natural sa tao na depensahan ang sarili nya o ang kaibigan nya kahit kailangang gumawa na ng kwento o mag-edit ng ilan man sa bahagi ng storya.

Nakakainis lang dahil kung sino pa ang nagsasabi ng totoo minsan, siya pa ang nagiging mali dahil mas marami ang naniniwala sa baluktot na katotohanan.

The only person that I can actually trust in this world is myself.

If I revoke my own words, then it may repeat.

My record will be tarnished and I will never trust myself again.

Of Owning Books

Kahit nung Elementary pa lang ako, mahilig na akong magbasa ng libro. Ang weird lang dahil advanced ako magbasa. Halimbawa, yung pang-grade 6 na mga libro ang binabasa ko noong nasa Grade 5 pa ako. Pero di ko binabasa yung pang-Grade 5. Adik lang no?

Nung nag-Highschool ako, ganun din. Nagbabasa na ako ng Chemistry at World History, First Year pa lang ako.

Nung nag-College, ilang Semesters pa bago ang isang subject, nabasa ko na yung librong gagamitin. Pero in certain cases lang ito. Hindi ako nahilig magbasa ng libro tungkol sa kursong tinapos ko.

Habang tumatagal ang panahon, napansin ko na mas gusto ko ang mga librong Fiction ang genre. Ayaw ko masyado ng mga romance. Ang corny kasi. Ako na walang lovelife.

Noong College ako, kadalasan akong humihingi ng pera sa aking kuya o mami para ipambili ng librong hindi naman magagamit sa pag-aaral. Or panggala. The thing is, I only asked for money twice para ipambili ng librong gagamitin sa pag-aaral - una ay noong binili ko ang Fundamentals of Nursing at Medical Dictionary at ang pangalawa ay noong binili ko ang White Book ng Community na maraming grammatical and typographical errors.

Masaya ako na napapaloob sa mundo ng mga librong binabasa ko. Iniisip ko minsan, sana, isa na lang akong tauhan sa isang kwento. Sa isang kwentong Fiction na Fantasy. Yung tipong may kapangyarihan ako. Basta. Oo. Isip-bata pa rin ako. Haha.

Ang di ko lang gusto sa pagkakaroon ng mga libro ay ang kawalan nito ng saysay matapos mong basahin. As in nakatambak na lang sila at hihintayin mo na lang na maluma o may manghiram at hindi na isoli.

(Wag pansinin ang MTG Cards na nakasingit jan. hahaha.)

Regarding that, naiinis ako. Andami kong librong hindi pa naisosoli sa akin. As in. Sa dami ng libro ko, di ko na alam kung sino ang pinahiram ko at kung ano ang pinahiram ko. Mahirap na namang mambintang.

Ang pinakamalaki ko namang problema sa mga libro ko eh kung paano ko sila ilalabas kapag nagkaroon ng sunog.

Alam ko na. Pag nagkasunog, hahakutin ko na lang sila dito sa bag na to:

Original lahat yan. Hahaha. O diba, pwede nang itinda after masunugan? LOL.

P.S. Mukhang hindi sila magkakasya lahat. Tsk tsk.

Of Blogging Again

Masarap mag-blog. Normal naman sating mga tao ang dumaldal at magkwento. Pero siyempre, namimili tayo ng isasa-publiko. Hindi lahat ng bagay dapat nalalaman ng iba. Hindi rin lahat dapat sinasabi basta-basta. Dapat maging maingat sa lahat ng sinasabi. You'll never know when anything that you say may be used against you.

Oo. Kontrabida ako. Kaya alam ko yang mga bagay na yan. haha.

Anyway, if ever may kakilala akong makakabasa nito, baka maitanong nya sa sarili nya na actually eh para sakin, ok lang ba kay Edward na nagpopost nga siya dito na halos wala namang nagbabasa?Or for me, tanong ko na sa sarili ko kung wala talagang nakakabasa nito, ok lang ba sa akin na magpost dito ng alam ko namang walang nagbabasa?

By all means, yes. Masaya ako na nakakapagtype ako at nakakapagpost dito regardless if there is any one who can actually read my posts. Mas maganda nga yun eh. Walang issue, walang pakialamero/a, walang epal, wala lahat.

Wala ring magdidikta kung paano nga ba ang tamang pagbblog. Walang magdidikta kung ano ang dapat kong ilagay dito. Wala. Wala. Wala.

Dahil jan, eto ang "Ako ang daigdig" ni Alejandro G. Abadilla. Nearly only writers can relate to this. Hahaha. Hindi ko na ito ipapaliwanag. Bahala ka na kung naiintindihan mo. Basta ako naiintindihan ko siya. And this is what this blog is all about.

I

ako

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II

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ang malayang ako

matapat sa sarili

sa aking daigdig

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ako

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ako

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III

ako

ang damdaming

malaya

ako

ang larawang

buhay

ako

ang buhay

na walang hanggan

ako

ang damdamin

ang larawan

ang buhay

damdamin

larawan

buhay

tula

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IV

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Of Death in the Family

Death.

It's something that we Filipinos usually tend to not discuss seriously. We live and love life the way it is and like the majority of the population, with regards to our traditions and norms, we focus on the present. We Filipinos usually "cross the bridge when we get there." But, what if, when you reach the bridge, you don't have anyone with you? What if the people you are supposed to be with when you cross the bridge died one-by-one throughout the journey? How will you cross that bridge?

Many times already have I seen people die. Whether by disease or by accident, the essence of a death in the family is still the same. Tears will be shed. Regrets will unfold. Memories will be reminisced. Time will stop. For only a few days.

I have often stressed to nearly everyone I know that I am ready to die anytime. That I have accepted Death even before it came. I have no choice. If I'm dead, I am and there's nothing I can actually do about it. Hell I won't even be able to resuscitate myself.

My friends find it/me weird whenever they learn that somewhere in this online charade, I published my Last Will. I regularly update it. Mind you, please do not even go looking for it since my things are actually junk. Lol.

My family on the other hand does not even give a damn to what I say. Why? Because like me, they also have accepted their deaths and I have seen it by the way we converse. Everytime we go out, one of us will say, "Pag tayo nabangga ng truck, ubos tayo." Someone will reply like, "Nako, pano na yung mga aso natin?" Another one will blurt out, "O, kung sinong matirang buhay, kanya lahat!" (pertaining to whatever assets/properties we have, if we actually have any)

When my older brother posted in Facebook that his head is aching and that he implied that he speculates that it is a tumor, his officemate replied with a, "Uy that's not a good joke..pacheck ka.." after which, my younger brother replied with a, "SAKIN ANG KOTSE!!!" to which my older brother replied, "Nyahahaha leche!!! ♥" After seeing the conversation hours later, I replied, "Car goes to the eldest alive. HAHAHA."

So much for him dying. Still healthy and alive and one of his properties is already being eyed upon.

When the three of us, me and my two brothers were about to depart for Singapore last April, my mother said that should our plane crash, wala na raw siyang matitirang anak. How comforting for me and my younger brother who'll be experiencing our first plane ride.

My mother has diabetes and hypertension stage I. She is not getting any younger. That is why I always tell her to spend her money for herself. Live her own life while she still can because she may die any moment. True. I always tell her that.

You may think that I am a worthless son for telling his mother that she may die any moment but hey, it is but the truth. I have seen in our Emergency Room innumerable cases where people just die of Stroke or Heart Attack. By the time they are brought for us to intervene medically, their souls were already as far as Siberia.

Another thing, our family, by unanimous decision, has decreed that we will all be cremated after a few days of wake. We also discussed that in the event that an accident or disease debilitates any of us to the point that there is a very minimal chance of survival, no Intensive Care will be asked to be rendered. It's economical that way.

Family member stays in ICU for weeks, expenses soar, family is in despair, member dies, debts continue to increase, family mourns, still with debts. Now, who suffers the most? He/She who died or he/she who were left behind?

Not only do the living feel the loss, they will also feel the impact of financial instability. And this is a unanimous decision and rationalization of my family.

Yeah. I guess I'm not the only one eccentric in the family.

Dreams

It's been nearly a year since I first laid my eyes on you. Twice have I dreamed about you. Today was the third. Though I sometimes try to bridge connections, it is you who always turn me down - without any direct answer though.

Funny how I dreamed of a friend who has a new boyfriend - the boyfriend of another friend of ours. Oh well. Be it a prophetic dream or not, it isn't impossible nor improbable. Malalandi naman sila. hahaha.

Last dream.

I was called by our high school alma mater to host an event. This is more probable than what I have actually dreamed in the first paragraph.

Oh well.

Good morning humans and zombies.

Today I will annihilate a doctor with the powers of a Red Planeswalker. lol.

The Rules of Blogging

Time and time again, the rules of blogging have plagued the internet. Bloggers left and right accuse one another of posting nonsensical stuff. Right from the day I started blogging sometime in 2003, I never even thought that there will be rules. Nor that one day, people of such mediocre thinking will rise to fame and dictate which is which and what is what.

This blog writer made his own set of rules and stated not 6, not 10, but 11! Eleven!

Eleven NON-EXISTENT rules of blogging.

I find it very much weird that the very people I know who said, "Blog to Express, not to Impress," will be the same people who would say how this other blogger suck for expressing what he/she feels/thinks.

Crazy world we live in.

Grammar Nazis are everywhere and they state that they are but Masters of Themselves yet can't seem to master their own grammar.

I also find it weird that these people, who would say that this blogger posts senseless stuff, are actually reading his/her blog from beginning to end, verbatim!

Talk about an unconsciously obsessed fan.

Oh well. I said I'm back to Blogging yet it seems, I'm back to Ranting.

In other news, here's a link for a legit-looking post about the 10 Rules for Responsible Blogging.

Eulogy for the Untimely

People closest to me are aware that I usually "gather" information through variable and conventional means. That means that I do background checks on people even though they are of no significance to my life.

Nonetheless, sometimes, I stumble upon a Facebook account of a recently deceased person or sometimes, even those who have already went away for several months already.

I can't help but feel sadness and silently mourn with the people with whom the said person is associated with. Despite my apathetic stance in life, I do feel their despair. The words that they incur are words that the recipient will never read. Words that will never get proper replies. Words that will stay for the person is already far away.

23

So today marks my 23rd year on this planet.

Nothing special.

Nothing new.

Larong Pilipino

Sa tuwing pumapasok ako sa trabaho, hindi maiiwasan na mapapadaan ang sinasakyan kong jeep sa ilang mga paaralan. Nakikita ko ang mga batang naglalaro sa labas. Habulan. Tayaan. Chinese Garter. At kung anu-ano pa.

Sa labas ng mga pampublikong paaralan ko kadalasan itong nakikita. Naglalaro ang mga bata.

Dati rati, halos lahat ng mga bata, kasama na ako, makikita mo sa labas. Naghahabulan, naglalaro.

May ibang gumagamit ng malaking bato bilang isang base sa larong Agawang Base. Samantalang, palakihan ng tsinelas ang labanan sa Tumbang Preso. Siyempre, mas malaki ang tsinelas mo, mas mataas ang tsansang matamaan mo yung lata. Makakakita ka ng mga batang may nakapulupot na mga pinagdikit-dikit na goma sa katawan. Naglulundagan. Chinese Garter daw ang larong yun. Hanggang ngayon, hindi ko alam kung bakit yun ang tawag dun. Oh wait, meron pang larong Ten-Twenty akong naaalala na nilalaro gamit yun.

Naaalala ko nung bata ako, masarap manood ng mga naglalaro ng Luksong Baka. Lalo na kung yung Baka ang lulukso. Tapos payat yung lulundagan. Kawawang nilalang. Hindi yung milagrong pagkakalukso ang inaabangan ko. Kundi yung pagbuwal nung niluksuhan, kasama ng lumukso. Halos pareho rin nung sa Luksong Tinik. Kaso, yung pagsubasob ng lumundag ang hinihintay ko.

Hindi ko malilimutan yung paglalaro ng Taya-tayaan. Pag mabagal kang tumakbo, good luck sayo. Masarap makakita ng mga batang sumusubsob sa buhanginan. Masaya rin ang Tagu-taguan. Na kung saan eh pagkabilang ng sampu, SAVE na agad ang sigaw ng lahat ng ibang naglalaro. Nasa likod lang kasi nung taya. O kaya, habang naghahanap yung taya, wala na pala yung mga kalaro nya, sinundo na ng mga magulang.

Meron ding Jackstones na may kung anu-ano pang Exhibition ang ginagawa kapag natapos mo na ang 1-10. Meron ding Pick-Up Sticks na hindi ko alam kung gawang Pilipino ba talaga. Meron ding Sipa. Na kung saan eh kapag may mga naglalaro sa paligid mo nito, dapat lagi kang alerto dahil hindi mo alam kung kelan ka mababagsakan ng tingga sa ulo. Consolation na lang sayo kung favorite color mo ang kulay ng Straw na nakabuhol dun sa tingga.

Hanggang ngayon, naaalala ko pa kung paanong naglalaro kami ng mga pinsan ko ng Patintero. Nakaharang kami sa kalsada. Siyempre, pag may dumadaang sasakyan, natitigil ang laro namin. Pero masaya. Lalo na kung sampalan ng mukha ang nangyayari. Naalala ko tuloy. Tamaang Bata. Eto naman, ang goal dito, eh tamaan ng taya yung ibang naglalaro. Bola ang kadalasang ginagamit dito. Masarap kapag ikaw ang taya at bola ng basketball ang ibabato mo. Panalo.

Sa jeep, kapag walang magawa, nakikipaglaro ako ng Red Violet. Hindi ko rin alam kung saan nakuha ang larong yun. Basta masarap manghampas ng kamay. Siguro dun nag-ugat ang kalandian ng ilang mga Pilipino. Pati sa Pass the Message. Siguro lang ha. Walang Statistical at Scientific evidence para dito. Tingin ko lang.

Ito ay ilan lang sa mga ala-alang pinagdaanan ko nung kabataan ko. Bihira ko na rin itong nakikita ngayon. Bakit?

Dahil ito sa teknolohiya. Maganda man ang naidudulot sa ating lahat, nakalulungkot pa rin na makitang unti-unting nawawala ang mga Larong Pilipino na kinalakihan ko. Ang mga bata ngayon, sa bahay na lang. Text text. DotA. Sims Social. Facebook. PSP. XBox. At kung anu-ano pa.

Bihira na ang mga naglalaro sa labas.

Hindi naman sa nilalahat ko pero karamihan talaga ng nasa pampublikong paaralan, hindi ganun kaganda ang pamumuhay. Kaya sa tuwing dumaraan ako sa mga pampublikong paaralan, nalulungkot ako at napapaisip...

"Ang mga taong walang kakayahang sumabay sa teknolohiya ang magdadala ng ating kultura."

Popular belief says that there is a metaphysical force that controls/plans our lives - from beginning to end. True or not, I do hope mine doesn't end with a bullet on my head, or decapitated, or worse, disemboweled alive.

Mga Pamahiin

Dahil modern na tayo ngayon, at hindi naman malaman kung kanino nanggaling ang mga ito, nag-imbento ako ng mga bagong pamahiin after Wedding:

• Bawal humawak ng Galaxy Tab within 24 hours after the wedding. Wala lang. Basta raw.
• Wag munang i-tweet sa twitter na tapos na ang kasal mo, kundi, pagtsitsismisan kayo ng mga followers mo.
• Wag mag-post sa Facebook na tapos na ang kasal kundi, isa sa contacts mo ang lalandi at aagaw sa asawa mo.
• Wag maglalaro ng kahit anong Angry Birds. Kundi, mag-aaway kayo throughout your married life.
• Wag maglalaro ng Plants vs. Zombies. Isa sa inyo magiging zombie, isa magiging halaman.
• Mamigay ng gifts sa Farmville, katumbas nito ang maraming regalong matatanggap mo pabalik.
• Ang dami ng social networking sites accounts mo ang magiging dami rin ng iyong mga anak.